Quarterback Beefcakes
| Rank | Player | Team | Notable Feature | Rating | Verdict |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Big-Armed Guy | AFC Team | Forearms, obviously | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 2 | That Tall One | NFC Team | Enormous. Just enormous. | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 3 | The Backup With the Neck | AFC Team | Neck situation is outstanding | 💪💪 | START |
| 4 | That Other Guy | NFC Team | Solid jawline, adequate deltoids | 💪💪 | FLEX |
| 5 | The One With the Stats | AFC Team | Stats don't count here, Mike | 💪 | FLEX |
| 6 | That Skinny Guy | NFC Team | Wiry. We're not impressed. | 🥩 | BENCH |
Running Back Beefcakes
| Rank | Player | Team | Notable Feature | Rating | Verdict |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Quadzilla (Not Real Name) | AFC Team | Quads that defy comprehension | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 2 | The Low-to-the-Ground One | NFC Team | Dense. Impossibly dense. | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 3 | Big Legs McGee | AFC Team | Self-explanatory | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 4 | The Workhorse | NFC Team | Stocky. We respect it. | 💪💪 | START |
| 5 | The Speedy One | AFC Team | Fast but kind of scrawny | 💪 | FLEX |
| 6 | The Receiving Back | NFC Team | Skip day enthusiast | 🪶 | DROP |
Wide Receiver Beefcakes
| Rank | Player | Team | Notable Feature | Rating | Verdict |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Jacked One (There Are Many) | NFC Team | Looks like a linebacker, plays WR | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 2 | The Guy With the Shoulders | AFC Team | Shoulder-to-waist ratio: elite | 💪💪 | START |
| 3 | Slot Guy | NFC Team | Little guy. Cute. Fine deltoids. | 💪 | FLEX |
| 4 | The Stats Leader | AFC Team | Great numbers. Medium traps. | 🥩 | BENCH |
Tight End Beefcakes
| Rank | Player | Team | Notable Feature | Rating | Verdict |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | The Enormous TE | NFC Team | Enormous, athletic, terrifying | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 2 | The Other Enormous TE | AFC Team | Also enormous. Great time to be alive. | 💪💪💪 | START |
| 3 | A Blocking TE | NFC Team | Peak physique, zero targets | 🥩 | BENCH |
* We know blocking TEs don't get targets. They're just so jacked. It's hard to look away.
